Eric Bogosian
Procrastination (plus: why the "U" in subUrbia?)
August 3, 1998.
Haven't written one of these for awhile now. I've been in an inertial state since the Chicago production of "Griller". If I were to write an autobiography, it would be a history of the various states of procrastination I've lived in the last twenty years. Twenty years ago, whether or not I sat down and wrote every day was of no concern to anyone but myself. Every day I would sharpen my pencils, get ready to get down to work, and then think of ways to put it off. Procrastination came in two forms: hanging with friends or getting high. Or hanging with friends getting high. Days, weeks, months went by and nothing would get done. But I had a good time.
Then one day I realized I was getting old (I was around thirty) and I buckled down. I got some work done, just enough to get produced, which in turn created deadlines. Now I had something new to procrastinate about. A deadline by definition creates the urge to foot-drag. Then I got a smidgen of success and people wanted to talk to me on the phone. This is the mother lode of all procrastination because there's a feeling of constructiveness talking on the phone. First of all, one is often talking about work, all the work you're going to do, plans, details, etc. and secondly, you're talking to your agent or producer, so of course this must be constructive.
Years go by. Many phone calls. No work is getting done. Or no good work is getting done. Finally it is time to buckle down again. Why? Because I've spent so much time on the phone, my work has suffered and in turn, the phone isn't ringing anymore. I don't get high anymore. And I have no friends left. So I have to work. So I work. I get something done. It is launched. It fails.
This creates a new horizon in work avoidance. In effect, it is painful to work because I am mourning the sad fate of my last effort. I find new ways to kill time. Since I now have a computer, I think that any time spent at the computer is constructive. Even if it means playing stupid games that come bundled with my Microsoft operating system.
So I master all the games. I know better than to talk on the phone for hours, I have no friends, I have no drugs and I am up against the wall. Work beckons. So I create a web page and as you can read, have successfully created a new way to avoid the existential tar pits of actually writing.
So in fact, writing this right now is a kind of "slip" for me. But I will get back to work. I will. Right after I finish this page.
First of all, I'd like to address a couple of questions that come in on the e-mail. Why did I stick the big "U" in the middle of "subUrbia"? Am I being pretentious? Not at all. An excellent punk movie entitled "Suburbia" came out a few years back, directed by Penelope Spheeris, and I didn't want my work to be confused with hers. Her work and her title was the original "Suburbia." Also, I felt my title got the idea of sub-urbane across, that is to say, unsophisticated. I think the kids in the play and film, like myself, think they're pretty smart, but aren't because they were totally brought up in the TV culture. Enough said on this subject.
I get e-mails accusing me of being a sellout on one hand and on the other wanting to know why I don't do television or make more movies. Why I'm not starring in more films like "Talk Radio". The answer to all of this is that there are not enough hours in the day and my first priority is to make/write work that, for me, is exciting. This takes a lot of time. I love starring in film, but to interface with the studio/Hollywood system properly requires huge amounts of time for publicity, doing many projects (most of which are not very interesting), being away from my family. All of which interferes with the writing. Writing is like an iceberg, you only see the tip. For every page I put out there, I've written dozens, many dozens. So it all takes time. As far as TV goes, the medium is the message. I don't see anything very interesting on TV other than things that somehow reformulate TV. My ultimate goal is not to be rich or famous. And I think this is behind the efforts of much of what we see. As Jerry Seinfeld said to me: "I'm rich and more famous than you'll ever be." And he was right. Like almost anyone who comes in real contact with the Los Angeles media system, I was very affected by the experience. It's one that is very seductive (luxury suites, stretch limos, first class air) but in the long run, not really where my head is at. To the degree I want or don't want to return to my suite at the Four Seasons is the degree to which I will chase the TV shows, film- work, etc. Los Angeles has been very very good to me. But it's not my first love.
Finally, as July comes to an end and I find myself a total baseball addict, I realize that I love the Yankees because in their games I find true drama. And I need drama in my life, not as an entertainment but as a source of spiritual sustenance. Drama allows me to hook up with energy that puts my own personal travails in perspective. The cooked and boring plots in most movies and stage-work don't do it for me. Nothing like the Yankees. And since my favorite all-time film is "The Dirty Dozen", it's no wonder that the Yankees have snared me. Because the Yankees are the Dirty Dozen, with Joe Torre in the Lee Marvin role and Derek Jeter as Donald Sutherland (you can fill in the rest). They are on a mission and I am right there with them. Opening up whole new possibilities for procrastination.
